This article by Urvashi Butalia is one of the many articles (Read original article here.) and opinions I've read about, for & against the trophy of motherhood ceremoniously handed to women. I have a 2 yr old son and I can't think of a world without him now. The operative word being 'now.' I don't think of him as somebody who will pay for my bills when my husband and I retire (at least not yet), I don't even think of him obligated to give me grand children with my genes to play with (we live pretty close to SF, not being judgmental but simply being open). Having said that, I know quite a few women, acquaintances & close friends, that don't really dream of motherhood. I see a lot of people around me being appalled by it but I cannot for the love of god understand why. I don't see you guys going around asking sadus why they are celibate. Isn't having sex the natural thing to do? In that sense, aren't you going against nature?
A couple of years back, I never felt a thing when I saw a toddler run about. I understood that my husband really wanted a baby and so the more I thought about it, I started getting comfortable with the idea of being parents. I've experienced motherhood and for somebody who was not particularly fond of kids her whole life, I turned into an extremely hormonal and emotional being when they lay him down on me for the 'skin-to-skin' contact. I can't wait to get back home everyday to smother him. So when some women don't feel like they need to have a baby I understand that feeling too because when people don't want the difficult parts that go with having a baby, and trust me the difficult parts easily outweigh the good parts in quantity, they are making a conscious decision. Agreed the pleasure is worth it but how can people assume you are meant to know it without having been there? It's close to impossible to know the feeling of motherhood without actually having gone through it. Loving kids and feeling like the mother are two very different things. The former is your nature and the latter IS nature. There is a science behind it. Believe it or not, there are people that do have the ability to judge whether they want to be parents or not.
Just like there are women that feel the need to be a mother and experience motherhood, there are women that don't feel that need and it's not insane or wrong. I really like the fact that she gave various scenarios where you feel confused about that feeling, you are pressured into thinking about it, and sometimes when you truly don't give a fuck. I so strongly agree with her on the fact that it doesn't have to be 'lack' in a negative sense. So even to those women that really want to become a mother and they think they know what its like to be one, my humble opinion - I doubt they do. I don't mean it in a bad way but there is no way you will know that feeling without you actually having been in the position - applies to adoption and your own baby, more so for your own baby. I really do hope that you enjoy motherhood when you get to it. And for those of you that don't want to and are getting bogged down by the 'I don't understand why not' by others, punch them in the face. I am kidding, just make them watch any Rajshri productions movie, like any movie.
A couple of years back, I never felt a thing when I saw a toddler run about. I understood that my husband really wanted a baby and so the more I thought about it, I started getting comfortable with the idea of being parents. I've experienced motherhood and for somebody who was not particularly fond of kids her whole life, I turned into an extremely hormonal and emotional being when they lay him down on me for the 'skin-to-skin' contact. I can't wait to get back home everyday to smother him. So when some women don't feel like they need to have a baby I understand that feeling too because when people don't want the difficult parts that go with having a baby, and trust me the difficult parts easily outweigh the good parts in quantity, they are making a conscious decision. Agreed the pleasure is worth it but how can people assume you are meant to know it without having been there? It's close to impossible to know the feeling of motherhood without actually having gone through it. Loving kids and feeling like the mother are two very different things. The former is your nature and the latter IS nature. There is a science behind it. Believe it or not, there are people that do have the ability to judge whether they want to be parents or not.
Just like there are women that feel the need to be a mother and experience motherhood, there are women that don't feel that need and it's not insane or wrong. I really like the fact that she gave various scenarios where you feel confused about that feeling, you are pressured into thinking about it, and sometimes when you truly don't give a fuck. I so strongly agree with her on the fact that it doesn't have to be 'lack' in a negative sense. So even to those women that really want to become a mother and they think they know what its like to be one, my humble opinion - I doubt they do. I don't mean it in a bad way but there is no way you will know that feeling without you actually having been in the position - applies to adoption and your own baby, more so for your own baby. I really do hope that you enjoy motherhood when you get to it. And for those of you that don't want to and are getting bogged down by the 'I don't understand why not' by others, punch them in the face. I am kidding, just make them watch any Rajshri productions movie, like any movie.
Comments
Coming to the post, I agree with your view point. I have few girl friends who wanted to have kids but their husbands do not. I feel sad for them. Some wanted to travel and some wanted to avoid the responsibility. I say that they are missing on a huge opportunity to grow as a person. I never had been so patient and calm before. Now my 2 year old is an awesome teacher who enriched me with qualities that helped to handle other relationships better. I cherish my parents love more. I am more patient with my husband :)
Having said that I am no one to judge other people's decisions. Just giving my 2 cents to all potential would-be parents...do not bog down by responsibility of having kids assuming it as a herculean task. Once they are there, they will take care of you! haha.